Tending the Fire

Hana-bi

How many times did you have a spark of creativity, a flash of motivation or inspiration, only to have that spark soon peter out? How do we turn that spark into a roaring flame? We tend to it.

Over the years, I’ve had many ups and downs with motivation, building momentum, and maintaining the drive to continue. I would start things with vigor and be proud of myself for starting. “Starting,” I would always remind myself, “is the hardest part.” However, after only a few weeks or sometimes months, I would find less and less motivation and more and more excuses. Before too long, I’d be back where I started - nowhere. Doing this regularly started to build up a negative perception in my own head about starting anything new. It was like plaque on my teeth or cholesterol in my arteries reducing the flow of blood to my creative heart. I got quicker finding excuses to not start. And granted, some of those excuses had nuggets of truth to them, but they were probably more mole hills than mountains.

Many years ago I heard the late, great Anthony Bourdain say, “I understand there’s a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid and outwit that guy.” I was amazed that such a successful and talented guy was really an unmotivated and wannabe couch-potato. Maybe there was still hope for me, I thought. I suffered from serious bouts of laziness and being unproductive, but I wanted to be driven, just like Bourdain. I wanted to find myself in motion - literally and figuratively. I wanted to be a producer and not (just) a consumer.

Right before the pandemic hit, I was full of zeal to start a new YouTube project. That creative spark was lit and boy did I tend to it. I worked on a lot of details in preproduction, created templates, wrote interview questions, talked to potential guests, started doing scripts and shot lists, and then…BOOM. Everything stopped. The world was in panic, and once again the spark went out. I felt defeated, deflated, and helpless. I put my gear away and mostly stopped thinking about making anything.

Then, as the pandemic went on, I found myself going stir crazy, as you all probably have felt as well. I realized that going out, away from busy places, I could socially distance and still be creative by taking photos. I started an Instagram account and shared my photos. I already had a Flickr account, but Flickr is for other photographers. I wanted to get my work out there for everyone to see, not just other photographers. I set myself a goal and started doing a 52 Week Project, posting one photo a week to my Instagram account. It was a weekly goal and it kept me motivated short term. I also had a friend doing it with me, which helped me stay motivated too. No matter what the weather or how busy I was with work or life, I had to get one photo to put out there. This caused me to carry my camera with me wherever I went. I started getting more interesting shots because of it, which then caused me to go out to shoot more. Success begets success. I was starting to feel a creative lift and a wonderful byproduct of all of that was my mood and perspective began to widen. I was feeling a lot more optimistic and willing to take on more challenges.

I also was feeding my creative spirit by watching other artists talk bout their art. I watched Yo-Yo Ma’s Masterclass and was blown away by his humanity and philosophy on being an artist. It affected me profoundly and I started thinking a lot more about what my work means to me and why do I feel it has a place in this world. I also watched Ken Burn’s, Jimmy Chin’s, and Annie Leibovitz’s Master Classes. I read Trevor Noah’s book, Born a Crime, and Viktor Frankl’s, Man’s Search for Meaning.” Over this holiday, I also watched Andrew Garfield in, Tick, Tick, Boom, and watched interviews of him talking about the film and the unfortunate passing of his mother. I was and am still so touched by his emotional honesty. Like I mentioned in my last post, the story of Jonathon Larson is equally inspiring. I am drawing on all of their experiences, knowledge, philosophies, and humanity to keep my spark burning and to feed the flames. I’m finding meaning in my work and it’s not about the likes or recognition. It’s about expressing myself, about seeing the beauty in the world more, and sharing that beauty with as many people as I can. It’s about sharing the joy that I get from my art and hopefully inspiring others like I’ve been inspired by so many.

I wouldn’t be completely honest if I didn’t also highlight the impact that the photographer and YouTuber, Thomas Heaton has had on me. I only recently became aware of his channel after the same friend doing the photo challenge with me had recommended that I watch his channel. I must admit, I was never an avid YouTube watcher, and I only reluctantly took a look. I suppose I had a preconceived notion of what I would find. However, I watched a few of his videos and was completely inspired. It was like a door had been opened and I saw a way for me to make videos, do my photography, travel, explore, and at the same time share this beautiful part of the world that I live in. Heaton is an exceptional photographer and teacher of the art, not to mention his chops at putting together first rate videos! I can only hope to be as good as him one day. Initially, I’m am sure that I will mimic Heaton more than I would like to. He is a consummate professional and someone to emulate. I hope that if by chance he ever sees my work, that he will see my mimicry in a flattering way. I highly respect his work and his integrity as an artist and do not want to try to be him. I do believe that before long, I will find my own style and my channel will develop into something unique and my own...albiet Heaton inspired.

I think I’ve come to a new understanding about that spark of…whatever - creativity, motivation, inspiration. Starting is not the hardest part for me. The hardest part is continuing, tending the fire. I need to put in the work. “Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration,” said Thomas Edison. Well, I’m no genius, but you get the point. Doubt can kill any momentum, so I will step into the unknown with curiosity and determination. Those sparks were gifts and I decide to tend the fire.